if I could

... I would teleport home to Singapore every night.

I would sit there in front of my computer and stay up all night watching/reading something lame.

I would chill with a huge cup of pudding caramel milk tea which my dad brings home from work sometimes.

I would have a Maggi Penang Laksa party with my siblings at 3am (and not get caught).

I would be there to secretly open the front door for my sister when she comes home late from a night out with Mr. Sungha. Just like she did for me before.

I would make sure Mr. Sungha doesn't break any hearts.

And then I would teleport back to Sweden and continue my wondrous exchange life.

If only.

I am painful and awkward and shy

I keep priding myself in receiving Best Improvement Awards (self-awarded) for my courage in facing new people and other social encounters.

Then now I am creating the impression that no one lives in my room in Vilhelmsro. Tactics include

1. keeping the lights off all the time and drawing the blinds

2. eating biscuits for meals because I am too likely to bump into someone in the kitchen

3. bathing at 4am, and only after I've scouted the area and certified it people-less

4. climbing out of my window if there are people in my common area (just outside my door).

I am deep-shit terrified of having to stammer through an explanation when someone asks me (hypothetically), "haven't seen you in a while, girl!"

My gawd I haven't changed. I am still as autistic as the day I was born. I am still too shy to talk to strangers, acquaintances, coffeeshop uncles and pretty much anyone whom I am not close to (which is of a strict definition: someone whom I am desensitised to because I talk to him/her on a daily basis).

This also extends to my online life, which explains why I am hardly on Facebook. Which is also why I only found out my sister is (likely to be) married way before all my friends did. My gawd I phail as a sister.

By the way, my dear friends, please don't wish me Happy Birthday on my Facebook wall. The prospect of having to answer you in the (probably imagined) sea of gazes from 264 FB Friends makes me pee.

Remind me to blog about Latvia but for now I'm just plain lazy and too hooked on torrented stuff.