four days alone in latvia

is what I planned for 24th to 27th April.

Oi Shan is certain that I would be kidnapped and sold to a child prostitute syndicate, but truth is, I feel no fear.

I feel a mix of agitation and anxiety and ardor that roughly makes up to a semblance of fear, but I feel no fear. Not in a good way.

Maybe if I get scared in the correct situations, it would be like a gamefaqs.com walkthrough that guides me 100% to act in sensible ways. People would finally like me O__O

Yet I do get scared, just not for my life. I get hell scared when I have to lose or disappoint people I care truckloads for. I sure have vested interest in making sure everyone around me communicates "I Am Happy" to me.

*typical scenario in Huan's life*

XXX looks tired/grumpy/sad/worried/insert other non-happy adjectives

[Huan's head: ALARM TEETEETEETEETEETEETEETEETEEETEETEE!

step 1: rectify the situation

if step 1 does not work, repeat step 1. ]

I attribute this perverse hobby of mine to someone I met in primary school, who also happens to be in nursing school now, on her way to become the Singaporean Mother Teresa.

I digressed.

Anyway I just wanted to say I wouldn't die. I've got a good feeling about it. Ya?

don't look at me

I'm putting up my scaffolding

to rebuild

to hide.

Locked away for now, but

I'd see you then.

*waves*

*waves a fish*

i'm blue

DA BA DEE DA BA DIE

DA BA DEE DA BA DIE!

DA BA DEE DA BA DIE

DA BA DEE DA BA DIE!

DA BA DEE DA BA DIE

DA BA DEE DA BA DIE

DA BA DEE DA BA DIE!

*repeat*

on a useless dutch desktop

“I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing.”

- Neil Gaiman



And they don't teach me how to be less selfish. They don't teach me how to stop moping over the scraped knees of my juvenile hurt heart. They don't teach me how to be brave.

Tell me it's okay to feel a little alone.

happiness junkie

This blog was dead because

I was busy finding cheap ways to make myself happy. Attempts include stuffing myself with multiple squares of Rittersport, taking bus rides from end to end with a zen expression on my face, and crying my soul out over the first twenty minutes of UP. Twice.

When Ellie first pulled her helmet off, her hair went WHOOM.

Here's Ellie and she's weird. And she's loved.

What am I? I drift through life, I hold on to little things that make me grin, I lose stuff sometimes but I do my laundry on time always.

I try to act masculine in the most phail ways ever possible (as Oi Shan can vouch for). But when I can see myself clearly sometimes, like in an out-of-body state, I can see that I am just a terrible little bundle of paranoia and affection.

I forget to act in sensible ways sometimes. But I'm not a rebel. I really, um, just forgot.

I don't know how I got here, but I won't give myself trouble for being myself.

... maybe a little.

THERE I BLOGGED!