this is a rant. ignore.

I'll shamelessly admit that I liked writing English compositions in my pri/sec school days. Not to say I'm fantastic at it, sadly, as interest and aptitude don't align nicely all the time. But anyway, I've never liked the way English teachers teach writing in school - it's like an incessant desire of schools to make everything systematic and mundane.
This tiny discomforting thought in me was reignited when my sister asked me for some pointers on composition-writing the other day. So I looked through her English file and ... the horror.
First up are the "model essays". I know the sun is a symbol of life, the essence of vitality, the pinnacle of strength yet the embodiment of maternal gentleness... And, of course, is omnipresent. But why must every single narrative essay wax lyrical about the sun in all tested-and-tried cliches? And most pertinently in the first paragraph (because stories always start in the morning). While I understand that the sun is a potent source for literary prowess (bring on the idioms!), highly economical in terms of figurative language (you get power, gentleness, warmth, light, life, all in one package), and a much loved subject of every school of thought (no one ever claims that the sun is satanic. Without the sun everyone is dead), it's just booooring to mention the sun in every essay. Whatever happened to creative writing?
"The warm and golden rays of sunlight sifted through the rafters ..."
"The sun rose in a spill of violets and reds, pouring golden warmth into my room..." *urgh*
"The warmth of the sun washed over me like a wave of golden honey ..." *double urgh*
Doesn't it ever rain in the world of compositions? Leave the sun alone, I say!

But the above is a minor detail.
What really irked me, in my sister's English file, was a comprehensive list of model phrases. Which most abominably includes a section on ways to describe the sun. And the weather. And "commonly used" emotions. And ways to paraphrase "I learnt my lesson". Once I was chatting with my classmates about our secondary school days - a particular friend of mine fondly recalled memorising such phrases and splattering them lavishly over all her essays. "It was easy to write essays then. You'd start on the weather, then a bit on the story, then a 'I learnt my lesson' section ..." What matters is to squuuuueeeze in as many chim words as possible. Hence, there is the need to pepper every single noun with obscure (but very smart-sounding) adjectives, to pair every verb with a complimentary adverb, and to be sure to use pertinent idiomatic phrases every now and then. Is it a crime to use the word 'happy'? Why must I be 'in a euphoric stupor' when I'm just plain happy? o_____o
Death to all cliche phrases!

I'm not expecting everyone to write like Neil Gaiman.
I just hate to see English forced into the mold of Science.



P.S. This post is dumb. I seemed to have lost all sense of gaiety after spending four days in the "Heart of Darkness" ...